Everyone Finds Flaws in Gold
by Snoring Tiger
Summary: How many people actually treat Edward Elric with the respect he more than earned? his thoughts about some of the people in his life.


**(Takes place after Hughes' death, before the Promised Day)**

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_**When you buy a piece of jewellery, such as a golden necklace chain, one of the first things that you do as soon as it's in your hands is to inspect it closely and just check that there are not any flaws on it, making sure it seems perfect, no signs of imperfections or weakness...**_

For as long as I can remember, the only praise that I had ever received was from my mother. After she had passed away, I have now realised that nobody else has given me or Al any praise. I guess if you break a taboo it must be an unspoken rule that everybody just tries to focus on your flaws.

I could live with this, if not for the fact I have it.

Constantly.

_FLASHBACK  
"Well, hands over your report," Colonel Mustang coldly took the boy's written report. As Mustang was reading through it, there was a smirk beginning to show up on his lips._

"_Even by the standards of a first report of a mission, this is a pathetic attempt," Mustang informed Edward, smirking. Rage began to boil up inside of Edward. He had honestly tried his best to write it as well as he could to try and please his superior. _

"_Shut up!" Edward barked at his superior officer, trying to fight his temper, "I tried to make that good!"_

"_Trying and doing are different things Fullmetal," Mustang began to snicker quietly, yet not making an effort to hide it from Edward._

_END FLASHBACK_

That memory is one of the reasons that I truly loathe Colonel Roy Mustang and also why I couldn't care less about damned reports. However, even after knowing him for four years, it's not really a surprise that he never encourages me positively. After all, that's not the type of person he is. But, after the four years I've worked for him, after all the endless leads for the cursed Philosopher's Stone, the missions which have physically broken Alphonse and I, all I ever could hear from that utter bastard were short jokes and how I could improve my missions. It's not like he doesn't praise any of his other men; I have heard him praise Fuery and Havoc on occasion, and obviously Riza multiple times.

But I and my younger brother are excluded from this.

Only my flaws were of concern to him. I don't mean to sound childish, but it's not all that encouraging when grown-ups pick your entity apart, especially the person you are _forced _to be respectful too. If not for the fact that I need my job, his face and my auto mail fist would have met on many occasions. I am somewhat grateful for him giving me the opportunity to be enrolled into the military, hence greatly enhancing the chances of us getting our bodies back, but does that give him the right to treat Al and I like the dirt on the bottom of his shoe? He needs to treat us with respect, and understand that as young adults, I need some encouragement to keep moving forward, even in the darkest of times, and I need someone to look up to, like a parental figure, a father figure-considering mine was pretty shit.

That damned bastard Van Hoenheim. It's almost like he could sense that I would be such a flawed son and he couldn't stand staying, knowing that in his eyes I'd be a failure. What's _really reassuring_ though, were what he said to me after meeting up twelve years after leaving us.

"What possessed you to burn down my house?"

Of course, even pretending to care how one of sons is is too much to ask, isn't it? Besides, you left it long ago, barely counts as yours.

And that speech he gave about me running away. While that may be true, he had no right to bring up a topic he _knew _would be sensitive and tried to intimidate me-that really hasn't made me respect him more. What would he know about losing someone close to you? The dread of being just you and your younger brother, wondering if you'll be okay? The fear of losing the person most important to you.

I'll admit it now, and never will be ashamed to admit it-we were scared children. The night we decided to attempt human transmutation, that was when I was a nervous wreck on the inside, but I stayed strong for Al. The thought of not having parents honestly terrified the younger me. Yes, we had Winry and Granny, but it's not really the same as your own family. One simple act of ignorance changes how the rest of the world sees you.

I fucking saved my brother's life by sacrificing my arm, yet no-body gives a damn! No-one gives a damn of the hell we've faced, the amount of times we've almost knocked on the doors of the Gate, our struggle! People are too busy looking down on us like we're ants, and will be too busy judging us to truly get to know us.

Cornello is a prime example of this. Almost as soon as he saw what happened to us, he called Alphonse and I sins against nature. Well I don't know about you, but that is always what I like to be referred to as, _a sin against nature._ (Please tell me you knew that was sarcasm) Only knowing us from our reputation, and he acts like he knows all about us and judges us without knowing how we got our metal battle scars. Considering he was a madman, I can somewhat understand him doing that, but when every single person you meet does that, it gets a tad annoying.

Amazingly, even Winry does this, though in her case you need to read into it:

"_YOU STUPID ALCHEMY FREAK, YOU COULD'VE BROKEN MY AUTO MAIL!"_

That name calling, I don't mind considering I call her auto mail junkie. But, I could've nearly been killed by a madman, or by Scar, or by anything dangerous and she just cares about the friggin auto mail. Yes, I know how hard she works on that stuff, but between metal wires and your 'friend's' life I think the life takes slight more priority.

_**...After looking over the gold, one must see what value the said gold has...**_

I can't tell Al this, but sometimes I wonder the value of our lives. I never try to kill any opponent I am forced to fight against unless it is absolutely necessary. Apparently, apart from those who called us 'human sacrifices' seem to want to kill us instantly-and even then the homunculus are planning on killing us for their gain which is worse.

I don't know if that means we're so important the Gate has saved our lives multiple times or if we don't even deserve to exist on this earth after committing an inerasable sin. I don't know if I am meant to cross to the other side of the gate or stay alive for a reason other than restoring Al and I's bodies. But after all the stuff we've been put through, I wish I could stay in a sort of motherland without all this worry over whether I deserve to exist or should just let Scar end my life once and for all. But, I will stay alive for Alphonse, no matter how much crap I go through.

What does it matter, brooding over everything? The only thing that'll do is dishearten me, and that's something that I refuse to allow to happen if I have to be able to have the strength to see a new day. No, I can't think about this. For now, nothing will be able to change-Mustang will remain a bastard, Hoenheim a useless bastard, Cornello will still be dead and Winry will be Winry. All I can do is not show how much damage they're doing to me.

_**...before scrapping it unceremoniously into a furnace if deemed worthless, without thought or feeling...**_

Besides, I'll just have to show them that I am worth more than what they believe I am, and prove my worth to them. For some reason I feel I'll show my worth on the Promised Day. But until then, I have no choice but for others to push me down, bribe me, attempt to kill me and so on.

I'll just have to let others around me lank on my leash, and not just those in the military.

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_In one of the paragraphs I put the titles for all the ending themes of the first FMA in there, see if you can find it :P_

_Thanks to a suggestion by an awesome person, I'm trying to try other genres, starting with more angst. There may be more angst considering some stuff I'm facing...which is good for you guys but sucks for me..._

_-AEW Alchemist_


End file.
